valentines day rant

everywhere i look i see valentines day crap. i am being bombarded with it! what a stupid day. hallmark invented this delusional holiday just to sell crap. "if you love her/him, spend lots of money and effort to show them"....UGH!

ok, i may be a little bitter. last valentines day, ODCface got me a gold chain with a lobster pendant on it. the lobster signified that we would be together forever.
*sidenote here...on an old episode of 'friends', phoebe proclaimed that lobsters mate for life.*
the card that came with my lobster was signed "you complete me. forever, your doug".
forever? not quite. only if forever meant until i found out about his other girlfriends. or until his wife found out about me.

so i am thinking. i have no lobster this year. no prospects of finding my lobster. my lobster was probably never even born. i have come to terms with this. i am doing just fine on my own.

but i need to rid myself of the bitterness that i hold onto from ODCface. everyone says to find the good that came from any relationship, forget the bad. how do you forget the 'bad' when the entire relationship was lies? i wasn't his lobster. i didn't complete him. if i *did* complete him, why did he need a wife and six other girlfriends?

what did i get from sixteen months of lies? well, lets add this up....
i did discover my sexual 'kinks' with him. at least with that knowledge, i know what i do need in a partner.
he did pay for my eye surgery, so i have a lifetime of good eyesight.
he did give me pearls, that i promptly exchanged for diamonds. and i really do like diamonds.
he did pay for my emergency plane ticket to pennsylvania when my aunt died.
he did take me on business trips with him, which was fun (i love to travel).
he did try to get me hired on at omnipay/e-gold with a much better income (but that failed).
he did give me money after the hurricanes, to get back on my feet again.
he did buy me numerous books. ok, they were all bondage related, but the good intention was there.
he did trust me with all of the dirty little secrets of e-gold, and just how corrupt they are.
he did teach me to never ever trust a man again.
he did teach me to never fall in love again.
he did teach me that true love, true romantic love, doesn't exist.

ok, i guess i am still bitter.
i am still hurting.

and fucking hallmark and their valentines day shit, well, they just plain suck.

rant over.
luv

song lyric of the day:
"i push my fingers into my eyes. it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache."

roses

i woke up (at 3:30) this morning with a pleasant surprise. sitting beside my coffee pot was a single long stemmed red rose. there was a card attached to it. it was from one of Boo's friends. she wrote that she wanted to thank me for being "me", and that she felt so loved and so much a part of my family. and that she loved me.

what a thoughtful thing to do. it turned my whole day brighter. i am so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love. sometimes when life is too much to bear, i forget just how lucky i am. it also served to remind me, how doing something so simple, can brighten someones day.

********************

cruise watch....day T-24 and counting....
poo and i went shopping in palm beach this past weekend. we were hoping to crash "the donald's" wedding, but nooooooo....

anyhow, the diet / exercise is really paying off. the last time that i bought a new dress, it was a size 14.
saturday, i was trying on size 8 dresses AND THEY FIT!!!! it helps to see results like this. it keeps us motivated. poo says that we are "sexy bitches". oh, and i even bought a new bikini for the cruise. scarey but true....
i have to add, i also bought my very first pair of "Jimmy Choo" shoes. they are to die for! i currently have them on display in my bedroom.

more major bling for the cruise....
right before he broke my heart for Christmas, old dirty cuntface gave me a strand of pearls. last week i took them back to the store where he got them, and exchanged them for a pair of 1.65 ct diamond earrings. i think that was a fair trade....diamonds for a broken heart. too bad you can't trade misery for some e-gold.

i would like to thank everyone for their responses to my blog. if i didn't think anyone was reading this...well...

song lyric for the day (can you name that tune?):
"if i had a shotgun, know what i'd do? i'd point that shit straight at the sky and shoot heaven on down for you"

~Luv

endings

why is it so difficult to say goodbye? even if it is for a very good reason?
today i had to fire someone. i hired this kid (who is staying at poo's house), because he really needed a job. he's been here for 2 months now. he comes in and sleeps. he complains that it is too boring here. he does as little as possible. he plays horrible music in the lab (so bad that it makes me seize). and now, i found out last night, he asked poo if there was a good place at work to smoke a joint.
so, i fired him at 5:30 this morning.
i don't feel good about it. but the kid is just plain awful.

other goodbye's that are difficult...
how can you say goodbye to a lover? to a friend? to a family member?
these are all very painful. even if you know they are only a 'goodbye-til-i see-you-again'.
maybe i am being too sensitive, maybe i need to increase my dosage of hormones, who knows?

i guess the firing thing just has me a little bit blue today.

more later, when i am smiling....

luv

oh, it's ON!!!

SWEET!!!!
booked our cruise today!!! wahoo!

it's 3 nights - feb 18th -21st. from miami to the bahamas. and the really cool thing is...it is also some sort of 'special' thing where the miami heat will also be on the cruise! how cool is that?

i can hear the steel drums all ready :)

meet frances & jeanne

today, as i am still contemplating my cruise, i thought perhaps i would describe a little bit about this past years hurricanes.
with apologies to ally-cat, i am going to cut and paste my recent letter to her. the reason for this is two-fold: 1) i am too lazy to re-write the whole damn thing, 2) it is still kind of disturbing to re-think the whole ordeal...

************************************
for starters, we got some pretty bad feeder bands from charley.
then on labor day weekend, we were ground zero for frances.
two days prior to frances hitting us, there was no gas to be found, we were out of money and out of food. there was nothing to be found within 100 miles of us. it was like living in a ghost town.

frances lasted 36 hours. non stop, 36 hours. we were walled up in poo's house with all 4 dogs and 5 adults. it was scarey as hell.
we would try to sleep, but something would invaribly crash and waken us. i would immediately roll onto the floor screaming. the scariest thing of all was, we could hear the tornadoes all around us, but we couldn't see them.
then, the eye came. it was so eerie. everything was silent, still. we took the dogs outside to use the bathroom, and it was so eerie. the only thing we could hear was the railroad crossing going off (because it was destroyed - not cause there was a train).
when the eye leaves, the winds go from 0 to 150 mph instantly, so you can't stay outside too long. they even warn you on the radio not to go out in the eye.

the worst part of all is the aftermath. there is nothing. complete devastation. no stop lights. no street signs. no food, gas, money, electricity, water, ice, nothing. it was like living in a third world country.
i went 8 weeks without telephone and several days without electric (the temp was above 90o, it was like living in hell). we had no cold drinks and no hot food. mold was growing on everything, there was nothing dry or clean. bugs came out of no where. we were in shock, walking around scrounging for food, ice and water.
we got some military issued food after about 4 days, and they were the best things ever!

then, 3 weeks and 30 minutes later, jeanne hit.
again, we were ground zero. this time it was a stronger hurricane, but it was alot quicker, only about 12 hours of screaming. my house is made of solid concrete (even my interior walls are poured concrete - not drywall). i was laying on the floor, listening to the tornadoes, and my house began to shake. this storm was so strong, that it tore the plywood off of my windows. the eye for jeanne lasted about 90 minutes, and she was pretty much gone by 7 a.m.

again, the aftermath was more than we could take. after 2 days, we packed up and went to poo's in-laws house across the state.

our houses are still seriously damaged. my roof is still tarped (and still leaks), my foundation is cracked and possibly irreparable, my screened in porch and fence are gone.

fema did nothing to help us. our insurance fucked us. i had an estimated $33,000 in damages, insurance gave me $3800.00. all of the charities that people across the nation give to, the money goes no where. we haven't received anything.

then, i don't know when - as i had lost all concept of time/dates, ivan hit. we got severe flooding from that.
**********************************************************
2004 -----> the year that blew (literally)

cruising

today all of my thoughts are on my upcoming cruise.
which, is still in the very early planning and may not even go, stages.

boo is taking a cruise with his friends. of course, poo and i want to go along. boo's cruise (i like that rhyme thing!) is being financed by his friends. therefore, poo and i have a dilemma. actually, poo has a double dilemma. she has to 1) convince her husband to let her go without him, and not let him know that she is paying for herself, and 2) actually come up with the cash to go.
of course, my dilemma is only - shall i use the insurance money to repair my destroyed roof? or to take a cruise? hmmmmm, tough choice! for those of you who know me, the answer is obvious!
the cruise is in late february, departing from miami. poo and i have been doing the atkins diet for about a month now. so if we do the cruise, we have to really kick it into high gear. i am going to have to lose at least 20 more pounds before donning a bikini. not to mention another brazilian wax. yikes! i had a brazilian wax done a few months ago. (for those not "up" on their waxing terminology, a brazilian is where they take everything away.) the humiliation is worse than the pain, really. ok, the pain is bad too - really freaking bad. first, she "trims" down there with scissors. then applies this honey-like wax to you in sections. btw, the wax is painfully hot. then she applies linen strips to the burning fucking wax. then....RIIIIIP. it is then repeated over and over again, till she's done. oh, but it doesn't stop there, oh no. then she has you assume the position on your hands and knees, and asks you to pull your 'cheeks' apart, so she can do that area next. now, get this visual. if one is on their hands and knees...how does one spread their cheeks? easy. you have to balance on your fucking head, and not move whilst she rips every single hair off of your ass. no, not done yet. the sadistic bitch then has you lie down and "open wide". she then goes in with a magnifying glass and tweezers to attack any strays. after 90 minutes of this (and $75.00), you are then allowed to leave. sans any hair or dignity.
now, i know i am a true masochist, but this really wasn't sexual at all! (more on my masochistic side later)

but i digress....
back to the cruise. it is only a 3 night cruise to the bahamas, but as i've never been on one it should be fun. especially with the gang we are going with. hmmm, did i mention the 'gang'? well, it is mostly the people from the gay bar that i hang out in. new years eve at the gay bar will be another post!
anyhow, these guys are the greatest, funniest people i know. and it really helps that they call me "milf" (even though, technically speaking, i am not their type). there is so far, about 8-10 of us going. we are trying to talk a few more close friends into coming along.

gay bar? ok, yes i love the "gay bar - gay bar". <----that is a song from my second favorite website: www.rathergood.com . there is a section where these twisted individuals dressed kittens up in viking clothes and have them singing (in a strong english accent) "i want to take you to the gay bar, gay bar..." it's hilarious!
anyhow. long story short....i began this blog "running blind" a few months back when i broke up with my ex boyfriend. he is affectionately called "old dirty cuntface" by my kids. i will just refer to him as "HWSNBN" <---he who shall not be named. or, maybe ODC. (you'll probably be hearing more about him). as i am still recovering from ODC's poison, i am not looking for any other men. as a matter of fact, i am avoiding straight men at all costs! ok, maybe not that stringent, but nonetheless....
of course there are other reasons why we go to the gaybar gaybar....you're just gonna have to wait (or figure them out on your own).

enough for now. i think i am liking this blog thingee...

~L

just me...

to appease my friend who is the motivation behind my blog (who shall from now on, be referred to as oz), i will attempt to introduce myself. *note to "oz"....let me know (and i know you will) if you don't care for this moniker....i can always change it to "guru"....*

i am just the average run-of-the-mill type woman. i have my likes and dislikes just as everyone else. i am not important, intelligent, profound, beautiful or rich.
my main accomplishment in life has been raising two wonderful kids.
i have never completed anything in my life - never.
i work hard. i play harder. it's all about the 'fun', for me.
i sincerely hope that whomever reads this blog isn't doing so for inspirational words of wisdom. as many (most?) of the things i say, and said with tongue firmly in cheek.
also, if poor grammer/spelling, or sexual/vulgar language offends you, don't read any more. as i tend to write exactly what is on my mind. (and i have a pretty twisted mind)

i have two children. for anonymity i will only go by their nicknames.
"poo" is my oldest. she is one of two of my best friends. she is married and lives directly across the street from me. (someday, i may give the story behind that). poo and i do nearly everything together. and there are no secrets between us.
"boo" is my son. he is still living at home with me, which i am so happy for. he started college this year and is working most of the time. he is my other best friend. we are very close. we are open with each other, and we talk about anything / everything. and he tries to dress me well!

i used to do yearly Christmas newsletters. not the everyday garden variety. more like the "boo-wrecked-my-damn-car, and my-house-is-falling-apart" type newsletters. i stopped doing them two years ago, for various reasons. i am hoping that perhaps this blog will be a suitable substitute.

eventually, i may add some pics, as oz suggested i do. but for now, its just me.

if you are in fact reading this, please post a comment, or e-mail me.

first blog.....

...that won't be deleted.
my very close friend convinced me to blog.
so i will.
i don't know what to say yet. so stay tuned for more profound thoughts....

~L

i edited this blog (i didn't delete like i normally do) because he wanted no hint to his identity.