Thursday, January 13, 2005

cruising

today all of my thoughts are on my upcoming cruise.
which, is still in the very early planning and may not even go, stages.

boo is taking a cruise with his friends. of course, poo and i want to go along. boo's cruise (i like that rhyme thing!) is being financed by his friends. therefore, poo and i have a dilemma. actually, poo has a double dilemma. she has to 1) convince her husband to let her go without him, and not let him know that she is paying for herself, and 2) actually come up with the cash to go.
of course, my dilemma is only - shall i use the insurance money to repair my destroyed roof? or to take a cruise? hmmmmm, tough choice! for those of you who know me, the answer is obvious!
the cruise is in late february, departing from miami. poo and i have been doing the atkins diet for about a month now. so if we do the cruise, we have to really kick it into high gear. i am going to have to lose at least 20 more pounds before donning a bikini. not to mention another brazilian wax. yikes! i had a brazilian wax done a few months ago. (for those not "up" on their waxing terminology, a brazilian is where they take everything away.) the humiliation is worse than the pain, really. ok, the pain is bad too - really freaking bad. first, she "trims" down there with scissors. then applies this honey-like wax to you in sections. btw, the wax is painfully hot. then she applies linen strips to the burning fucking wax. then....RIIIIIP. it is then repeated over and over again, till she's done. oh, but it doesn't stop there, oh no. then she has you assume the position on your hands and knees, and asks you to pull your 'cheeks' apart, so she can do that area next. now, get this visual. if one is on their hands and knees...how does one spread their cheeks? easy. you have to balance on your fucking head, and not move whilst she rips every single hair off of your ass. no, not done yet. the sadistic bitch then has you lie down and "open wide". she then goes in with a magnifying glass and tweezers to attack any strays. after 90 minutes of this (and $75.00), you are then allowed to leave. sans any hair or dignity.
now, i know i am a true masochist, but this really wasn't sexual at all! (more on my masochistic side later)

but i digress....
back to the cruise. it is only a 3 night cruise to the bahamas, but as i've never been on one it should be fun. especially with the gang we are going with. hmmm, did i mention the 'gang'? well, it is mostly the people from the gay bar that i hang out in. new years eve at the gay bar will be another post!
anyhow, these guys are the greatest, funniest people i know. and it really helps that they call me "milf" (even though, technically speaking, i am not their type). there is so far, about 8-10 of us going. we are trying to talk a few more close friends into coming along.

gay bar? ok, yes i love the "gay bar - gay bar". <----that is a song from my second favorite website: www.rathergood.com . there is a section where these twisted individuals dressed kittens up in viking clothes and have them singing (in a strong english accent) "i want to take you to the gay bar, gay bar..." it's hilarious!
anyhow. long story short....i began this blog "running blind" a few months back when i broke up with my ex boyfriend. he is affectionately called "old dirty cuntface" by my kids. i will just refer to him as "HWSNBN" <---he who shall not be named. or, maybe ODC. (you'll probably be hearing more about him). as i am still recovering from ODC's poison, i am not looking for any other men. as a matter of fact, i am avoiding straight men at all costs! ok, maybe not that stringent, but nonetheless....
of course there are other reasons why we go to the gaybar gaybar....you're just gonna have to wait (or figure them out on your own).

enough for now. i think i am liking this blog thingee...

~L

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm, just testing this

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im glad your a milf. Ive always wanted a milf. I dont know what to do with my milf when I get her, perhaps you can give me some advise? Im a fast learner, Im sure I can milk a milf with the best of intentions. Love, your milf milker.

8:40 PM  
Blogger ~L said...

sober up, mr. milfer! :D

8:43 PM  

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