Tuesday, November 29, 2005

time and tide wait for no man...

my dear friend and i have decided to issue our own currency. no details as of yet, but it involves issuing vouchers for the use of painting my body. the increments will be in square centimeters, and the vouchers will be used as real currency.

but i think there is a much more needed commodity. time.
what if one could buy/sell/trade time?
blocks of time. minutes, hours, moments?

i would gladly trade off the next 18 days to someone who needed them more. think about it. i could jump right to the date of my cruise, and i could give those extra days to someone with a terminal illness.
or, could i buy back the moment that i told the vice president of my company that his wife was homely?
can i just skip ahead to my retirement? think what those added years could mean to a child with cancer.
could you hold on to a moment, like a savings account? save the moment that you are wrapped in your lovers arms? or your childs first giggle?
is some time more valuable than others? would i get a premium for selling off my Christmas day, as opposed to just selling november 29th?

time.
everyone that knows me, knows that i lack patience. i admit it, i have a dreadfully short attention span. i am easily amused, yet easily distracted.

why is time uppermost in my mind today? as i look back over the past couple years, i realize that the three passions in my life all asked for the same thing. time.

"i love you, but wait to see if my wife is going to divorce me, or keep me"
"i love you, but wait to see if my wife will die in an accident"
"wait to see if i will leave my abusive girlfriend."

yes lovi, you are second or third in my list of priorities. you are a nice girl, and if things don't work out with my first choice, then we might be able to get together. just wait.

when faced with these ultimatums, one might ask, "what's a girl to do?"
no one has the answer to that. i guess i either wait as patiently as i am capable of, or i move on.

patience. my greatest downfall. i listen patiently to these men tell me of their destructive relationships. i offer comfort, advice, and love. i hurt for them. every word i take to heart, i feel their pain. i live their discomfort. i am their whipping boy. i absorb it all. and unbeknownst to them, it slowly kills me.
here i am offering my advice to help them essentially rid themselves of me, so that their homelife will be peaceful and happy.

no, i am not a martyr. i am not being unselfish. i want them for myself. i love them. but i want them to find their happiness and peace of mind. in my heart, i want them to find it with me. but ultimately, it never is.

well, that's what is on my mind today.
i am working on the annual newsletter...you'll just have to wait.

later,
~luv

song lyric of the day: "tear me from the bone. tear me from myself. are you feeling happy? does it make you happy? are you feeling happy? are you fucking happy? now that i'm lost, left with nothing..."

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